


Inseparables Can be Separated

by sicskier



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Character Death, also literally not about the musical at all, its completely about the cast, newsies on tour, toursies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-22 08:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6071650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sicskier/pseuds/sicskier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Tyler Cook and Joshua Burrage are the power couple of the Newsies on Tour cast. They are constantly together and the fansies love them. Not everything always goes according to Josh's plan though, and he has to adapt and move on when life throws him and Ben a curve ball.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

“Man, two show days kill me,” I say to Ben as I unlock the door to our hotel room.

“Are you sure you’re not just getting sick, because I feel better than I do after most two show days? Stage door was really fun actually, and it was super sweet of that fansie to make us dressing room decorations that have our names on them,” Ben replied.

I plop down on my bed and before I know it, Ben is lying on top of me. He couldn’t have plopped onto his side of the bed; no, that would make too much sense. I give Ben a quick peck on the nose, hoping that he would get off me if he got what he wanted, but instead he complains: “Come oonnn Josh, I’m not getting off until I get a proper kiss.”

I realize that giving him a peck in the first place was a mistake, because he’s never going to be satisfied at this time of night, and all I want to do is go to bed. Instead we start to make out. Before long it starts to get louder and the clothes start to come off. Suddenly I hear a pounding on the wall above my head. I pull away and ask Ben if he heard the noise. Before he had time to answer I hear Andrew Wilson screaming: “Put a cork in it boys, I’m trying to sleep! These walls are paper thin!”

“Exactly! Josh and I had to listen to you and Mike going at it last night! Consider this payback for what we heard last night!” Ben exclaims through the wall. He climbs off me all the same. He either lost the energy or is actually going to respect Andrew and Mike’s request.

I shout over, “Next stop, we need to plan this out. Do it on the same nights. That way we can each be loud and the other room won’t notice.”

“Now there’s a smart plan. No way it came from a kid with such rotten brains!” Mike Ryan jokingly calls through the wall.

While this was happening, Ben grabbed his cute plaid pajamas bottoms and his shower stuff, and hopped in the bathroom to shower. Dammit, I think to myself, I wanted to beat him. Ben takes the longest showers, and I still really wanted to head to bed. Fortunately for me, he is out in no time; or at least what feels like nothing because I was catching up on social media, and checking Instagram for stage door pictures. I get in and out of the shower quickly, and then cuddle up next to him in bed. 

“BEEP! BEEP! BEEEP!” my alarm screams at me. I nudge Ben awake, but he muffles, “Stop,” into the covers. I know that getting him up is going to be a pain, so I let him sleep while I pack all my stuff. After our second show today we are driving overnight to Las Vegas. I’m excited for that, but I’m sure everybody that’s legal is more excited. Ben can’t even gamble yet. Man he’s so young I think to myself. I manage to get Ben up and moving. We pop in to grab coffee on our way to the theater. After the first show, Ben disappears after stage door so I join up with the rest of the crew to hang out; not like I don’t see them every day anyways, but still. I find DeMarius, Zach and Jordan playing xbox with Chaz, Nick Masson, and David Guzman watching. I decide to stay and watch for a bit. I check out where everybody else in the room is and find only Sky sitting on his phone, and Ethan and John Michael, our Les’, playing with baby Wren.

Curious, I nudge David with my elbow and ask, “Where is everybody?”

“By everybody, you really only want to know where Benji is. Am I right?” he singsongs as he nudges me back.

I look down blushing, but respond, “Yeah.”

“Yeah, I figured. You guys are perfect together and inseparable. He walked on stage, looking for a quiet place. I think his mom called.”

“Ok. Thanks Guz.”

I give Ben ten more minutes to talk on the phone before I go searching for him. I walk on stage and see him sitting on the top level of the middle tower with his legs hanging off. I get almost to him before I hear him crying. I run up the rest of the way, sit down next to him, and squish him in a big hug. This only makes him cry harder. I pull away and let him calm himself down enough to talk. I rub circles in his back as he gains control of his breathing

Eventually, with an incredibly raspy and under different circumstances sexy voice, he says, “Emma just died.” I breaks down crying again as soon as he speaks.

I take a minute to process this information, but I can’t. Ben and Emma were super close twins. I loved Emma too. Whenever she and Ben would facetime, I would spend just as much time talking to her as Ben did. I give Ben another hug and we sit there and cry for the longest time. Eventually, Sky walks on stage and calls up to us that it’s time for fight call. I unwrap myself from Ben and climb down without him. He has gone into zombie mode and didn’t even react to me leaving. Once I get to the bottom of the tower, I tell Sky what has happened and he runs off to ensure that Stephen Hernandez is ready to go on for Ben. I find some of our backstage team and tell them that I am taking Ben back to the hotel, but that I will be back.

At this point, I am not thinking whatsoever, but I move through the dreamlike state I am in and get Ben off of the towers. Sky helps because he is the only one that I told the whole story too. I refuse to leave Ben’s side, but I know I’m not exactly helping Sky get Ben back to the hotel. Once we get Ben outside to the sidewalk it isn’t so bad as long as I keep walking. He has two arms around my waist and is shuffling his feet forward slowly.

We make it back to the hotel room, I unlock it, and he collapses on the bed crying again. I give him a kiss on the way out and then shut the door, planning on heading back for the second show.

Sky ambushes me outside the hotel room. He places a hand on each of my shoulders and asks, “Josh, are you okay?”

“Yeah. Fine”

He looks frustrated with me and says, “We both know you’re lying. I know that Emma was important to you too. And seeing Ben like this can’t be easy on you. Nobody is going to make you perform tonight.”

“Seriously Sky, I will survive one show,” I respond, lying through my teeth. I know that I’m not in the right mind to perform tonight but I feel like I have to. Not because I’m afraid of disappointing Ben or the fans or the cast, but because if I can perform tonight it means that my life can go on. I will be maintaining some sense of normalcy. I know the next week is going to be incredibly hectic and I still want to feel in control.

Sky agrees to disagree with my decision and I perform but I was only able to because I know this show in and out. I dance by completely relying on my muscle memory. Everybody notices that something is off, but nobody asks. Sky must’ve warned them to leave me alone. I should thank him later; he’s been a great friend today.

A couple fans at the stage door ask where Ben is and I tell them that we wasn’t feeling well after the matinee. I feel bad about not telling them the truth, but I technically didn’t lie. I rush myself through stage door. I am eager to get back to see Ben. I know that the faster I get back, the more time I get to see him before the bus leaves for Vegas.

I walk into the hotel room, expecting to see Ben, but instead I find a room void of his stuff. I check my phone for the first time since intermission and see a text from Ben

“I caught a taxi to the airport. I’m going home. I’m sorry that I couldn’t stay to say goodbye to you, but I think it is better that I didn’t. With all that is going on I need to focus less on us and more on my family. They need me and I need them. I will talk to you soon.”

The tears start dripping on my phone before I realize that I’m even crying. I board the bus still crying. Everybody respects the unspoken headphone rule, so nobody tries to talk to me. I grab a seat, lean my head against the window and blast music to keep me from thinking about all of this, including Ben’s text. Did he mean that we are breaking up? Or did he, understandably, just want space while he’s dealing with the grief of Emma’s death?

Eventually fatigue falls over me and sleep for the duration of the trip. Once we get to Vegas, we get five hours to get settled and explore while the crew sets up the stage. During this time I unpack in my room. Luckily, we won’t have the same issue between me and Ben, and Mike and Andrew; not only because Ben isn’t here but also because they are down the hall a ways from us. By us, I mean me for now. After spending an hour unpacking and being lazy on my phone, I fall asleep again. I too emotionally drained to deal with life right now.

I wake up to Sky pounding on the door saying that we’ve got to go. I let him in but tell him, “I called in sick and can’t do the show tonight. Thanks for waking me up, dickwad.”

“Josh, get over yourself. Your boyfriend’s sister died. Sucks, but not your problem. Ben left. Now tell the rest of the cast what happened and get back to performing.”

“You don’t understand Sky. Emma wasn’t only Ben’s twin; she was also practically my sister too. I’m not just upset about that. Ben didn’t say goodbye. He just left. And in his text to me, he made it sound like we were over,” I shoot back, my voice crescendoing as I go.

Sky suddenly became very interested in memorizing the floor. “I’m sorry Josh. I didn’t know.”

I feel bad now that he’s sorry. I mad at him over nothing, and Sky is my brother after all, “I’m sorry too. You didn’t know why I was upset. I didn’t have the right to get mad at you.”

“It’s fine,” Sky responds, “but you should talk to the company about this. We are all here for you.”

I wrap Sky into a hug; happy to have someone that cares.

During the show, I attempt to call Ben. We’ve never gone this long without talking to each other, and certainly never with something this major going on. He didn’t answer. In order to keep from going insane, I resolve to think that things are too crazy at his house with Emma’s death. I can’t let my mind wander to the thoughts that we’re through and that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. We haven’t officially broken up so I am holding on to that strand of hope.

My conversation with Sky and lack thereof with Ben was the push I needed to get back into the swing of life after the worst day of my life. By now, the end of our second day in Vegas, everybody in the cast knows about why Ben left. The majority of them don’t know what is going on between me and Ben. I only told Sky, DMC, and Nick. I also perform for the rest of the shows in Vegas. Next we are going to Texas, I think. I haven’t exactly talked to Ben; there’s just been short texts between us. Whatever is going to happen when he comes back, I know that I will be alright in the long run with my brothers in the cast behind me.


	2. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unedited but whatever. hopefully next chapter from bens pov coming soon. no promises tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited but whatever. hopefully next chapter from bens pov coming soon. no promises tho

Ben returned a week later. He met up with us in Houston. If the text didn’t make it official, the way we avoided each other like the plague did. With a week to prepare for his return, I used it to my advantage; explaining the situation to everybody in the cast individually. I felt a little sorry for him, because when he returned he was only openly accepted by a few, like JP, Chaz, and Andrew, who wanted to remain neutral third parties and avoid the drama. The majority of our crew suddenly became only my crew. Sky, Mike, DeMarius, and Nick, and Nico were avoiding Ben just as much as me. We were always civil in the theater together, and we still took enough instas together that the fansies didn’t freak out, but outside of that we were never together. We never hung out, and I rarely saw him outside of the theater. I don’t know who he was hanging out with, presumably nobody. 

Almost a week into the avoiding, I found Ben crying in the hallway outside his room late, late at night. The rooms had previously been rearranged so we weren’t together anymore; he was with Chaz, instead. My heart went out to this poor kid who had lost his best friend, boyfriend, and entire Newsies family in the span of a week. I sat down next to him, and pulled his head in my lap. He continued to sob for the longest time. Every time he would almost bring himself to stopping, he would lose it again. I will be the first to admit that it was super awkward to sit there with my ex-boyfriend and not say a word. 

When he finally calmed down for the last time, he choked out, “She committed suicide.”

I was speechless. I couldn’t even think, I went numb and started crying too. Then almost in a whisper he added, “What kind of a brother am I?”

That’s when I really lose it. I feel sorry for putting him through everything that I have this past week. With the death of his sister and our break-up I should’ve been giving him more people to talk to besides me, not taking everybody away from him. While I’m thinking about how shitty of a person I’ve been to him recently, my mouth is blubbering away at how he shouldn’t blame himself, and how it isn’t anybody’s fault. 

He interrupted me, “Josh, I hadn’t called her in over a month. I checked my phone. I hadn’t texted in two weeks. Of course she didn’t come to me, I hadn’t been there for her recently. Why would she?”

“Ben, you can’t say that. It’s not fair,” I said, “People who commit suicide don’t just decide one that they’re going to do it on a whim. They plan it out, each and every second, months in advance.”

At this Ben’s tears turned back into sobs and in between he choked out, “That doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault. It means it has been my fault for longer than just a month.”  
Inside I was completely dying; I wanted crawl back in bed, sob, and forget that this ever happened because I was so emotionally drained, but instead I told him, that he was wrong and needed some sleep. I picked him up, and then realized his key was impossible to reach in his pocket from my position so I grabbed my own and led him to my bed. Ben was barely awake, as was I, so he was completely dead weight and I couldn’t hardly move him. As soon as we were both on the bed, I fell asleep.   
I woke up to my irritating alarm, and the room was a tension filled as ever. DeMarius kept shooting me questioning looks, but wouldn’t say a word as I got ready and Ben laid there, trying to get the most out of his sleep, just like normal. I hopped in the shower with Ben still in bed, and when I got out, Ben was already gone. I took it as a sign that he wanted to go back to ignoring me. 

DeMarius hopped in the shower after me, without saying a word. Once he got out though he said that we were going out to lunch with Zach and Nick and that I had some explaining to do. 

We sat down at a table in Potbelly’s and immediately, DMC asked me, “Why was Ben in your bed this morning?”

I took a deep breath and responded, “I found him in the hallway crying last night, and after some words exchanged, I picked him up to carry him to bed, but couldn’t find his room key so I dumped him in my bed.” 

I stopped and looked around to check out my friends’ expressions. DeMarius was staring at me judgmentally, Nick was watching and listening contently, and Zach looked uncomfortable, like he was dragged here (he probably was by Nick). 

“Regardless, you guys need to lay off, and so do I. He just lost his sister and his boyfriend. He needs his best friends back, guys.”

“Well that’s great and all,” Nick started, “but he needs you back too.”

“I think that he’s made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me,” I said sourly.

Zach responded, “Josh, he slept with you last night,” but he was interrupted by DMC and Nick giggling. “Come on guys, you know what I meant,” Zach finished. 

“That was just a weird thing that happened because he was so emotional. D, you saw how fast he flew out of our room in the morning. He did everything in his power to avoid me.”

DeMarius looked defeated for half a second before responding, “Imagine how uncomfortable he felt though; waking up in a room with two of his old best friends who had treated him like utter shit the past week.”

“To be fair to us, it was really only Sky that was treating him awfully. The rest of us were just avoiding him as much as you were,” Nick said.

That reminded me, “Where even is Sky?”

DMC perked up, “Says he’s out with a girl.”

Nick scoffed, “I won’t believe it until I see it.”

“Yeah,” Zach added while chuckling, “he’s not a very convincing hetero. It is hard to live up to me, though, I’ll admit.

We finished lunch up with light conversation, and headed to the theater. The night was uneventful compared to my reeling thoughts. I knew that I had to have an awkward conversation with Ben, but I was so wrapped up in my thoughts about Ben and how it would go that during the show I missed one of my costume changes between Darcy and Jojo. I guess I was thinking too much and just completely blanked. 

The next day, I texted him and doubtfully asked if he wanted to grab lunch together. To my surprised he responded, “Only if we go somewhere that sells strawberry smoothies”

It was very awkward at first, but eventually I got my nerves under control and broke the silence by apologizing, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you lost your sister. I’m sorry that we broke up. But mainly, I’m sorry that we’ve all been treating you so bad. It’s all my fault they were being mean to you, so don’t blame them.”

“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for leaving, for breaking you with you,” Ben said teary eyed, “I really needed you, and I was stupid for thinking I could do this alone. I need you Josh. I need you a lot. I almost called you so many times.”

“Ben, you’re not stupid,” I consoled him, “You are brave for thinking that you could do this alone. I shouldn’t have let you leave. I needed you too, Benji. I wish you had called.”

Ben wiped the tears out of his eyes and asked, “So where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know. How about you come to me when you need me. We can go from there. All of this isn’t going to be sorted in just a day”

Ben smiled. We both stood up to leave and we squished each other in an incredibly long hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what to do. let me know if you want another and like and whatevr


	3. Chapter 3

Following, our decision to see where the relationship takes us, Ben quickly re-acclimated to being the center of attention. The cast welcomed him back with open arms. Although we were delighted to see Ben’s smile again, after two long weeks without it, the cast was cautious of what we said. We watched our tongues, kept the conversation light, and the joking up. Vincent Crocilla has taken to hanging all over Ben and blabbering about random nothingness in an attempt to make Ben feel better. It is very irritating if you ask me, but Ben seems to enjoy it. 

We spent our day off last week at the open gym. I usually don’t go with them, because I can’t tumble for the life of me, but I want to be with the crew as much as possible right now. I was given the responsibility of filming everybody’s Instagram videos. Hopefully, they don’t look that bad. Nick, Sky, Jordan, Ben, and DMC all had a lot of fun either way. Jordan went all out trying to teach everyone his spidey moves. He even had me out on the floor for a bit. According to him, I’m to worst student he’s ever had. I did warn him that I wouldn’t be able to do his weird, twisting flip, but he claimed that since I can dance, I should be able to do gymnastics too. He learned that they aren’t equivalent through me.   
With the day yesterday going so well, it would be safe to assume that the night would too. But it never works out that way, does it? It felt like we barely made if through the show. Barreiro was out as well as Nico. Nothing officially went wrong, but it just felt slow and off. It seemed like everyone was a little tired and out of the game. When I got back to the hotel, I got a text from Sky asking if I could come to his and Ben’s room. 

Sky opened the door for me, pointed to the bathroom door and said, “He’ll only talk to you.”

Ben had locked himself in and refused to come out for anyone but me. I knocked on the door and softly called Ben’s name. He didn’t say anything but I heard the click of the lock. 

I assumed that was the only invitation I was going to get, so I opened the door and found him curled up on the bathroom floor. He wasn’t crying, but it was clear that he was close. 

I crouched down and asked him if we could move to his bed. He nodded affirmation and I grabbed his hand. After I led him to his bed, I grabbed Sky and we moved to the hallway. 

“What happened?” I asked Sky.

“I don’t know! He just got all weird and wouldn’t talk to me. Then he locked himself in the bathroom and kept asking for you.”

“Ok,” I said as I handed Sky my room key, “Iain and I are in room 212. I will text you when it’s safe to come back.”

“Ok. Thanks Josh.”

I took a deep breath before entering Ben’s room once again. Ben was in the same position that I left him in; leaning up against the head board with his knees curled into his chest and his chin resting on his knees. I sat down next to Ben, close enough to be teaching even though we weren’t. An old from when we were dating, I suppose. I rocked my upper body against his lightly, and asked, “What’s up?”

Ben glanced down towards his feet, and stayed quiet. 

I pushed up against him once more and pleaded, “Ben, we promised to talk to each other when we need it.”

Ben softly let out, “Yeah, I know. I just don’t know where to start.”

“How about you start at the beginning,” I suggested.

“Ok. Umm. Well I guess I broke up with you because I felt too clingy, and I thought that you would be happier if you didn’t have to constantly deal with me. I just always feel like I’m being a pain. That’s why I didn’t come to you this week or tonight, even though I really wanted to.”

Ben started to cry and my heart really broke for this kid, “Ben, you know that’s not true. I enjoy every minute that I get to talk to you.” 

“I know, but I can’t help thinking that when I get upset. I’ve done it with everybody that I’ve ever been close to, since I was a little kid. And I know I shouldn’t bottle everything up and think that nobody cares. And I know you care about me a lot, but my mind makes me feel empty anyway.”

I grabbed Ben’s hand as a sign that it’s alright and he continued, “So that’s why I’ve been weird. And then tonight, my mind got back on the endless loop that Emma’s death was all my fault. And I know how you feel about it. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Ben, I think you need help. You aren’t going to believe anything I say about it not being your fault. You need to find someone to talk to who doesn’t know you, a professional.”

Ben abruptly pulled away from me, “I’m not seeing some shrink.”

I was taken by surprise with that statement from Ben. He’s been through so much with Kate’s bipolar disorder and Emma’s suicide that he shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help. 

“Ben, all of us, your family and the newsies, all want the best for you.” 

“I can deal with this myself. It’s all just in my head.”

“Ok. It’s your decision, and I will always support you no matter what, even if I don’t agree. You just have to promise to come to me. You can’t let Emma’s death, whether it be your fault or not, control your life and stop you from being happy. Remember her, and love her, but continue living here with us.” 

At some point in all that, Ben’s head ended up on my chest. I took this opportunity to kiss him on the forehead, as he agreed with me. While we were sort of on the topic, I took this opportunity to ask him why he broke up with me.

“As I already said, I felt too clingy, and in the midst of all my emotions, my brain decided that you would be better off without me. I realized really quickly that I was wrong, because I had no one to confide in during the week that I was home. I didn’t run back to you though, because of how happy my family was that we had broken up. They didn’t ever hate that we were together, and they didn’t ever say that I was better off without you, but I could see the sense of relief in their faces when I told them.”

“Ben, that can’t be true. Your dad was always super supportive of us when he came to visit us. You had the best coming out experience I’ve ever heard of.”

Ben sighed and agreed, “Yeah, but you should’ve been there. We got into a massive fight about school. You know how I sort of stopped, because I couldn’t keep up with the work and would always get distracted. Well my parents blamed you for the distraction. Since we were broken up, I guess they thought they could say whatever. But we agreed that when I get home, I have to graduate.” 

“Oh Ben, I’m so sorry.”

Ben didn’t say anything, but gripped my waist and cuddled me closer. I texted Sky and told him it’s safe to come back, and when I did, I noticed the time. 2:02! I got to Ben’s room at probably 12:30. Sky showed up with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in hand. 

Ben immediately perked up, “Half Baked! My favorite!”

Sky joined in on the cuddle session and we all dug in. 

The next day being a two show day, Ben and I hung out in the theater between shows and grabbed dinner together. The cast recently got hooked on this app Evil Apples which is a lot like Cards Against Humanity. So we spent the evening playing round after round of that. I learned that Nico has a really dirty mind. I would have never guessed. We won like four rounds. I never won, but I was always pretty close. The unanimous best one came from the bookish Stephan Langton though; on “I’m all for southern hospitality except for when it comes to” he laid “marriage equality.” We all lost it, laughing our asses off. I felt bad for Ben who was talking a drink of water when the cards were revealed because couldn’t swallow, he was laughing so hard. He spit it all over himself and we proceeded to laugh harder than ever before. 

For dinner, Ben and I ordered in and enjoyed some quiet time in the theater while everyone else was out for a sit down dinner. I’m not sure where Ben and I stand. I know that we aren’t together, so we shouldn’t act coupley and cuddly, but since that’s the direction that I think we are heading, I was fine with it. Ben started it by leaning his head on my shoulder, but I wasn’t the one that would let him go when JP and Josh walked back in. I was lying on top of him with my eyes closed (his tummy is a pretty squishy pillow), and it felt so nice to get a break, but I wrapped my arms around his waist when he tried to suspiciously squirm out from underneath me. He gave up and as more people filed back in from dinner, some shot me a questioning look but nobody said anything. 

That night and throughout the next day, the majority of the cast questioned me on what’s happening between me and Ben. I’m not sure how many people asked Ben, because it seemed like in the 24 hours following the cuddle sess, 20 people asked me, but it was probably for the best that they came to me instead. Even though none of them saw it, the girlsies all texted me saying that they were happy that Ben and I were working things out. Sky and DMC aggressively requested that I join them for a coffee run in the morning. As soon as we were outside of the hotel, I was bombarded with questions. They wanted to know whether we were back together, how he was holding up, and could they be groomsmen at the wedding. 

As soon as we got our coffees and grabbed a table, I let out everything to my two best friends, “Ben is not doing well mentally, guys. He’s put all the blame on himself for Emma’s death. He thinks that he’s too clingy which is why he won’t talk to us about anything. He thinks that we are better off not knowing what he’s going through. He broke up with me partially because of that and partially for his parents. Apparently they started fighting with him about school. And to top it all off,” my voice rose as went, “our relationship is still in the air!” After I finished I looked at them sitting across from me, took a breath and went, “So yeah.”

“Wow,” D started, “Let me start off by saying, it’s crazy that you’ve been doing this all alone.”

“That’s another thing!” I interjected, “I suggested he talked to a therapist, and he freaked out. It doesn’t make any sense at all. Why shouldn’t he? It could help so much.”

“You’re right that he should,” Sky said, “but to him it’s not that simple. If he has trouble coming to you when he need help, how would talking to a shrink make him feel any better?”

“In general, this just sucks,” D stated.

“No shit Sherlock. Thanks for the great deduction, D,” I replied sassily. After Sky finished laughing, I attempted to get us back on track, “I know that Ben getting better is our top priority, but I want my boyfriend back, guys,” I whined. 

Our genius detective, D, offered a solution, “If you just keep being there for him, like both times in the hotel room and in the dressing room yesterday, then eventually it’s just going to naturally happen that you get back together.”

“Yeah, I mean, look at you; you’re irresistible,” Sky teased. 

When we were about to leave, I got a snapchat from a Mr. Mike Ryan. It was a picture of him and Andrew, the two fun, gay dads of the cast. They congratulated me on getting back together with Ben. The three of us stopped in the street for a cute, reply selfie and I told them that it was complicated and Ben still needed time. Throughout the day, I continued to dismiss people’s idea that we were back together. 

That night, I got my first actual text from Ben in a long time. He wanted to talk about everything so we texted for a couple hours. He repeated the exact same stuff that was bothering him the other day in the hotel room. I listened mostly, and tried to calm his fears at times. The problem is that even if he trusts what I’m telling him, my rationale can’t over power the one piece of doubt that controls what he believes. So he believes that I am right, but he believes that he is more right, and because Emma will never be here to agree that it wasn’t Ben’s fault, he listens to himself. When the conversation ended, I could still tell that Emma’s death was still bugging him, and that talking to him didn’t resolve all, if any, of his issues, but he was emotionally exhausted, so I let him go to bed, without asking him where we stood. 

Throughout the following weeks of the tour for Ben, we got closer than ever. He came to me when he needed someone to talk to, and no matter how many times I disagreed with him, he still felt that he was bothering me. During the days we were constantly together again, and we stayed up all night texting. Nothing was happening physically beyond cuddling, and we never ever talked about our relationship. I think we were both afraid that we would screw it up if we even mentioned it. Looking back it was silly to avoid talking about what was naturally happening between us again. 

That was over a year ago now. Ben and I are still together and we are really happy. We had some bumps in our road, especially when I was finally able to convince Ben to see a therapist. We share an apartment in New York, both have steady jobs doing what we love, and are excited to see where the future takes us. 

Fin


End file.
